Challenges

Ever looked back on the year and think "Good Grief!"?  Well, that's where I am right now.  As look back this year I cannot believe the who, what, when, where, and why of this year.  Not only did I leave my job and start a company, but so much has happened to change my perspective on so many things.

I started 2012 thinking that this was going to be my year. The year I made changes to myself and my surroundings.  After feeling "stuck" for so long, I was ready for that jolt of excitement. And boy did I get it. (I just didn't realize that it would change my ENTIRE life.)

I trucked along pretty steadily the first part of the year and into early summer. Then May hit. It and few following months are ones I would love to forget.  When you decide to go into a situation and know that it is going to be a struggle you make certain bets with yourself. By this point I want to be here. If I do this I will get this. And so on. Then you never get that token because it doesn't come as fast as you wanted. Then you add in personal struggles that are still continuing to this day and you end up steadily heading toward a nervous breakdown. Been there and Done that.  (No t-shirt or commitment papers, but that would be a great vacation!)

You expect challenges. What don't expect are how big they will be.

I've always been pretty introverted (shocker, right?).  I overly plan and overly dissect everything. Always two steps ahead of everything and everyone. I think it is part of the OCS (only child syndrome) that makes you need to perfect everything. You don't have siblings to be the smart one or the talented one or athletic one. You become all of these things. Which is probably why most of the nation's big wigs are only children.  You are born with laser focus.  Which can be great on a project or task, but can be horrible in your personal life. When a certain challenge (or series of unfortunate events, Lemony Snickett had nothing on me. I could write a very large book) came to head this summer I shut down.  I couldn't do anything but stare. Stare into my overly processed and overly planned future. New house by 30, trips and huge vacations to destinations you dreamed of, baby by 32, career off the ground and billionaire status by 35 (even I can kid :) ). So I stared into the dancing abyss of my future. I felt like that weird part of Willy Wonka where the images are spinning as they travel through the tunnel on the boat.  Watching everything you thought to be true turn out to be false and feeling that your life is falling apart. Out of control.  We've all been there at one point.

So you do what you know. You research. You obsess. You get mad. You go insane. Then if you're lucky you snap back.  You realize your story is not new and that you are not the only one that will ever have to overcome something.

Challenges. No matter how big or small. They all affect us.  Someone's challenges may be cast onto you to help them or for you to learn.  Your challenges may affect someone else.  Regardless, we all deal with things differently.  You can try to get through them or to learn from them.  My motto, for lack of a better word, has been "If I can get over this hump and learned something or help someone else then it was worth it."

I've learned a lot. A lot about myself and a lot about others.  Never judge the path someone takes to get to a result.  We all judge. "Can you believe she wore those shoes?" "How dare he not think about that?" But the roads are different for everyone.  Some are straight and some wind on for years.  But each person's path is theirs to deal with and focus on.  I've also learned to do what I want. I'm over perfectly perfect. Does that mean I won't do my best? Absolutely not. But, it does mean that I am going to enjoy this short life for everything that it's worth.  I've also learned that people will hurt, disappoint and break you to make themselves feel better.  Let them. It's when you are going through the darkest of times that your true colors show.  Your relationships change when you change.  Most end up being for the better in the long run.  Most importantly, I've learned that you are the you that you want to be at that moment.  Life is so flawed and to be able to look at it as such a process at a young age instead of at 40 or 50 and having to reflect on many things I would change is an amazing thing.

Challenges. They suck. Fight it. Cry over it. Pout over it. Then embrace it and kick the hell out of it.  You will always end up winning in the end.  :)